We live in a culture that is infatuated with Happily Ever After. I remember dreamily watching Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and many other movies wishing for my prince charming. I feel sorry for men today! What kind of expectations have we made them have to live up to? According to the story line they are to be handsome, charming, know our every need and sweep us off our feet. No wonder there is so much disrespect for the male of our species! They can’t get a break. Now don’t get me wrong even though I claim to not be a mushy girlie movie watcher I still end up watching Lifetime Movie Network or Hallmark with tissues. They are great stories but they are fiction! Men are fallible just as we are. Do not try to make your husband to be perfect. That will lead to you disrespecting him, maybe even demeaning him.
We need a reality check. The only perfect man the ever has been, was, is and will ever be is Jesus. Period. If you are looking for your spouse to be that then you will be let down and they will be crushed with the responsibility of unrealistic expectations. When was the last time you thanked him for his work? His fathering? His love-making? His just being there? For choosing you? Has he made mistakes? Have you? Think about it this way, his parents were not perfect so he is just doing the best he can with what he learned from growing up.
I guess I am writing this because I have seen too many divorces recently. I have seen too many wives disrespecting their husbands behind their backs, with their children present, and even to their faces. I have seen too many wives say that they want to leave their mate even though they have promised to love for better or worse, for richer or poorer! My heart aches. That doesn’t mean that I am immune. There have been times that I have talked bad about my husband to my friends and to my family. I have learned that all that does is feed the monster of discontent. Your family & friends will only encourage you to leave if they think you will be happier but what does God say?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.
Matthew 5:43-44 43″You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
So if love is all these things and we are supposed to even love our enemies shouldn’t we love our spouses too? Love is not a feeling. If it were then every marriage would end in divorce very quickly. Marriage is not a walk in the park. When we said our vows our eyes were glazed over with the romance of it all. Once life hits you a choice has to be made. Am I going to choose to love? Love is a choice. Love is an action. Jesus demonstrated that by an action. He died for us. How are you willing to demonstrate it to your husband? Show him that you love him!
83 used & new available from USD 0.10
186 used & new available from USD 3.10
840 used & new available from USD 0.10
Did you know that the best sexual experiences are enjoyed by married couples? Popular marriage and relationship experts Bill and Pam Farrel are ready to ingite the passion fires in all marriages. With their trademark insight, humor and candid personal perspectives, the Farrels reveal truths about the sexual relationship in marriage and what you need to know to add spark and sizzle to your love life. You’ll discover how to create intimacy when you’re just too tired, to avoid the pleasure thieves that steal your chance for fulfillment, and more.
64 used & new available from USD 1.99
We all know that the greatest commandment is to love. However, relatively few of us know how to express our love in the heart language of our family and friends. Fortunately, in The Five Love Languages Gary Chapman identifies the five primary love languages and teaches us how to use these languages to express our love. Although this edition of The Five Love Languages was written specifically for couples, the basic principles Chapman explores will apply to all relationships.
If you are looking for the 40 day Love Dare to be an actual 40 days, then you are sadly mistaken and do not really know me that well. To me this is more of a journey of 40 steps, and occasionally it may take me a few days with our families hectic schedule to take a step. I recommend if you do take this journey with me that you do not get to caught in getting it all done in 40 days. It is to easy to beat yourself up if you miss a day. I did it on purpose.
Today is about kindness. While I will not be restating all that is in the book (I want you to buy a copy to help the authors and publishers make money), I have to quote the following: “Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing. ” (p6.) I love when someone can simplify things so clearly. Patience will often keep you out of hot water. Kindness is what hopefully will keep you from even getting any where near being in trouble.
One of the biggest lessons I learned in college was something I learned outside of class. My freshman year I complimented one of girls from my quad. To me it was nothing special. It was a simple true statement about her appearance and character. But to her it was a big deal. It changed our relationship. We instantly went from acquaintances to friends. It was this small instance that I saw the impact of a few kind words.
Kindness is proactive. I am reminded of the Random Acts of Kindness idea that was big awhile ago. Do something nice for your spouse. For my wife I have 2 special things she has asked me to do for her; fill her water bottle at night and fill the dish washer. It always means more when I do it without her reminding me. There are a couple things I have started doing for her as much as possible without her mentioning it. If I get to the bedroom before she is in bed, I rearrange her pillows for sleeping, turn down the covers, and turn on her electric blanket if needed.
Two books I want to recommend on this subject. The first might surprise you, but it really is a book about kindness. “How to Win Friends & Influence People” is an awesome book by Dale Carnegie. The second book is one on my MUST read list for all couples, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Gary Chapman. When it comes to love, we all speak a different language and that is what this book is all about.
134 used & new available from USD 4.77
Well, here begins my journey through the Love Dare. While patience is a virtue, it is one that I often find that I am lacking. I have had several days to work on this day (Yes, do not expect this to take only 40 days.) and I found myself getting mad at my wife and messing up on day one. The funny thing is that it was something small and I have already forgot why. Often this is the case. Most of the stuff we get upset about is the small stuff. Repeat after me, “It is just not worth it.” One of the skills I am sure we all need to work on is to only say the good stuff to our spouse. Our job is to encourage and build up our spouse. On that note, “Kelly, I love you and want you to know that marrying you is the second best decision I ever made.”
Recently we took a group from FBC to the Weekend to Remember Conference at Landown’s resort. To learn a little bit about what you might have missed check out the article from the Washington Post.
For those who went and need a refresher or those that missed it, FBC will be hosting our own marriage conference, Rated M for Married on April 24th-25th.
Just like we often need a a do-over in our marriage this a restart of our website. Hopefully this will be easier to maintain. Please be patent as we work on branding and adding all our features back in (Book lists, Local and National Events, Etc.). Our format will be more in a blog style and you will see more blog entries.
To start, I will begin with blogging about our journey through the Love Dare from the Movie Fireproof.
Working to bring couples Twogether with Christ,
Jay
89 used & new available from USD 3.67
