A Weekend to Remember is the one conference that I recommend that ALL couples go to at least once. Family Life has done an awesome job designing these conferences to cover all the basics needed for married couples. This conference will help strengthen any marriage. Kelly and I like to go to this conference frequently. We have found that it helps us refocus and reminds us of all the things we know to do, but seem to forget as “life” takes our focus off each other.

“But our marriage is doing OK!”

I do not know about you, but I do not like settling for OK or fine or even pretty good. One line I took away from the recent movie Fireproof, “Marriage is meant to be so much more”. I strongly agree with that. There should be passion. There should be trust. There should be mutual support. This conference will help you improve these areas of your marriage.

“But our marriage is beyond saving!”

I strongly believe that with faith any marriage can be not only saved, but made into a strong vibrant relationship. If Kelly and I can make it out of the hole we dug, then anyone can. God has turned our marriage from wishing we both would die to being glad to see each other every day. Marriage like life is a struggle. It is only over when we give up on it and there is no breath left in our body. While this conference may not repair all that is broken, a Weekend to Remember can help you get started on the path.

“But I really do not need to go!”

Please do not be like the couples we end up counseling. Too often it is too late for couples when they finally ask for help. By too late, what I mean is that one or both have already given up on the marriage and nothing seems to be able to change their minds. We do not do maintenance on our cars when it is having problems, but when we are supposed to. Your marriage needs regular maintenance. Consider the Weekend to Remember as part of your regular maintenance program.

“But I…”

Oh, stop putting things off and show your spouse how important your marriage is to you.

“I have a question!”

Well I have a phone. Call me 304.261.6913.

~ Jay

Thought I’d share with you an interesting op-ed piece by Mark Regnerus titled “Say Yes. What Are You Waiting For?”.  This lead to a Cover Story in Christianity Today and then a blog entry by on of my favorite theologeons, Albert Mohler. I strongly recommend all to read these, especially those with children. I have long been an advocate of sec being preached about as a positive and moving away from the negative. Sex is a gift from God. I still remember the first time I heard Josh McDowell when I was at Penn State with his talk on Maximum Sex. Rather than teaching people that sex is wrong, we need to be preaching that sex is awesome in marriage the way God intended it.

Preparing for Marriage
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Before You Live Together
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Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage, Third Edition
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105 used & new available from USD 5.99

Love is not selfish

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love;
give preference to one another in honor.”
- Romans 12:10

If you are looking for the 40 day Love Dare to be an actual 40 days, then you are sadly mistaken and do not really know me that well. To me this is more of a journey of 40 steps, and occasionally it may take me a few days with our families hectic schedule to take a step. I recommend if you do take this journey with me that you do not get to caught in getting it all done in 40 days. It is to easy to beat yourself up if you miss a day. I did it on purpose.

The Love Dare
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The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
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“German researchers argue that sexual frustration is a complex phenomenon not to be underestimated, according to a report on Spiegel Online International. According to the study, part of University of Göttingen psychologist Ragnar Beer’s Theratalk Project, of almost 32,000 men and women, the lack of sex can precipitate a downward spiral, pulling couples into a vortex of all work and no play, literally.” FOXNew

Beer’s team found that 36 percent of men and 35 percent of women who have sex only once a week take on extra work to compensate for their wanting sex life. It’s even worse for the hapless couples who have altogether lost their eye for one another. Forty-five percent of men and 46 percent of women who no longer have sex with their partner seek out other activities to salve their wanting libidos. Interestingly, a mere five percent of people who have sex at least twice a week find other activities as outlets for frustration. Beer warns couples to keep an eye on their sexual satisfaction, “rather than wait until it’s too late.”

I see this as related to the downward spiral often caused by the basic differences between men and women on sex. As a generalization, Men are released to give love through sex, and women are release to have sex through love. So if a man withholds love or a woman withholds sex, then the relationship will start what I call the “Spiraling Vortex of Doom.” At some point in every marriage this will happen. What it takes is for one of the spouses to have grace and show the other one unconditional love. What does that mean? It often means doing for our spouse what we would rather not do. What this can result in is a “Spiraling Vortex of Joy.”

How can we defend ourselves from the Spiraling Vortex of Doom? Well if you have not started down the spiral, you are in great luck. Just do not stop showing love to your spouse. Date each other on a regular bases. Go on a 2nd, 3rd, or what ever honeymoon. I encourage all couples to go on a Marriage conference at least every few years. Kelly and I try to go on one every year.

Recommended Reading:

Red-Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle
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34 used & new available from USD 4.00

Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage, Third Edition
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105 used & new available from USD 5.99

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Price: —

628 used & new available from USD 1.47

Love is kind

“Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
- Ephesians 4:32

If you are looking for the 40 day Love Dare to be an actual 40 days, then you are sadly mistaken and do not really know me that well. To me this is more of a journey of 40 steps, and occasionally it may take me a few days with our families hectic schedule to take a step. I recommend if you do take this journey with me that you do not get to caught in getting it all done in 40 days. It is to easy to beat yourself up if you miss a day. I did it on purpose.

Today is about kindness. While I will not be restating all that is in the book (I want you to buy a copy to help the authors and publishers make money), I have to quote the following: “Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing. ” (p6.) I love when someone can simplify things so clearly. Patience will often keep you out of hot water. Kindness is what hopefully will keep you from even getting any where near being in trouble.

One of the biggest lessons I learned in college was something I learned outside of class. My freshman year I complimented one of girls from my quad. To me it was nothing special. It was a simple true statement about her appearance and character. But to her it was a big deal. It changed our relationship. We instantly went from acquaintances to friends. It was this small instance that I saw the impact of a few kind words.

Kindness is proactive. I am reminded of the Random Acts of Kindness idea that was big awhile ago. Do something nice for your spouse. For my wife I have 2 special things she has asked me to do for her; fill her water bottle at night and fill the dish washer. It always means more when I do it without her reminding me. There are a couple things I have started doing for her as much as possible without her mentioning it. If I get to the bedroom before she is in bed, I rearrange her pillows for sleeping, turn down the covers, and turn on her electric blanket if needed.

Two books I want to recommend on this subject. The first might surprise you, but it really is a book about kindness. “How to Win Friends & Influence People” is an awesome book by Dale Carnegie. The second book is one on my MUST read list for all couples, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Gary Chapman. When it comes to love, we all speak a different language and that is what this book is all about.

The Love Dare
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147 used & new available from USD 4.83

How to Win Friends & Influence People
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184 used & new available from USD 2.32

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
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628 used & new available from USD 1.47